Cleaning Beaches Like It’s CrossFit: This Week in Nayarit

This week, we're diving into the heart of Puerto Vallarta and the beautiful Bahía de Banderas, a place where the sun is as hot as the stories are strange. Forget the headlines you see on your morning newsfeed—we're talking about the real stuff.

Welcome to Paradise

If you’ve ever driven from Puerto Vallarta to Punta de Mita and felt like you were being punished for sins in a past life—perhaps you were a corrupt toll booth operator in 18th-century Seville—rejoice. Relief is (literally) on the horizon.

The Puente Amado Nervo—named after a 19th-century Mexican poet who probably never imagined his legacy would be measured in saved minutes of commute time—is now 80% complete. That’s right: the bridge connecting Nayarit and Jalisco is closer to reality than your ex’s promise to “work on themselves.”

This isn’t just a bridge. It’s a two-lane miracle that promises to cut 25 minutes off your daily slog through the coastal chokehold that is the Autopista Compostela. And who benefits? Over 60,000 vehicles a day, including tourists, locals, delivery drivers, and the occasional confused iguana attempting a cross-border migration.

But why name it after a poet? Because while engineers build roads, poets build souls. Amado Nervo wrote about love, death, and mysticism. Today, his name will be invoked by thousands of drivers whispering, “Please, God, let there be no construction today,” as they cross his namesake span.

Amazon Bazaar

Speaking of cross-border tensions, let’s talk about the real war: e-commerce.

Amazon just launched Amazon Bazaar in Mexico—a marketplace for ultra-cheap goods, all under 200 pesos. Think: phone cases that disintegrate in the rain, LED cowboy hats, and mystery “massagers” with no instructions.

Why now? Because starting August 15, the SAT (Mexico’s IRS, but with more drama) is hiking taxes on low-cost international shipments—from 17% to 40%. That’s right: your $5 Shein dress could soon cost more than your Uber to the beach.

Amazon’s move? Beat Temu and Shein to the punch. Flood the market with cheap goods before the tax hits. It’s like a clearance sale for the apocalypse.

And the best part? The whole thing is being tested in Reynosa, Ciudad Juárez, Tijuana, and… Puerto Vallarta. Yes, paradise is now a beta site for bargain-bin capitalism. Next time you’re sipping a coconut on Playa Los Muertos, remember: somewhere, a man in a warehouse is packing 500 plastic sombreros for someone’s “Mexican-themed” birthday party in Calgary.

The “Limpiatón”

In Bahía de Banderas, the local government didn’t just launch a beach cleanup. They launched a fitness challenge with a side of environmentalism.

Meet the Limpiatón—a weekly event where residents and tourists grab gloves, bags, and competitive spirit to clean the coastline. But this isn’t your grandma’s volunteer day.

“Treat it like a gym day,” said Mayor Héctor Santana. “Sweat, stress relief, and team bonding—while saving the planet.”

So yes, you can now say you did burpees while picking up plastic bottles and judging people who leave their trash behind like modern-day pirates.

The program includes health screenings, rapid HIV and hepatitis tests, and workshops on sustainable cleaning. Because nothing says “wellness” like testing for hepatitis while digging a soda can out of the sand.

And the payoff? A cleaner beach, healthier community, and bragging rights: “I didn’t just tan—I saved the ecosystem.”

Playa Destiladeras is Open

In a victory that will make beach lovers weep into their piña coladas: Playa Destiladeras is officially open to the public.

For years, access was blocked—privatized, contested, shrouded in legal drama thicker than the humidity in July. But thanks to COPARMEX (the Mexican business council) reactivating its Riviera Nayarit chapter, and some serious political arm-twisting, the beach is now free and accessible.

This isn’t just a win for locals. It’s a win for Canadians who just want to walk 200 meters without being told “private property” by a guy with a clipboard.

The effort was led by the municipal president and supported by business leaders who realized: Hey, maybe tourism works better when people can actually reach the beach.

So go ahead. Pack a towel. Bring the kids. Take a photo with the “Welcome” sign. And quietly thank the gods of bureaucracy that this one finally went your way.

New Airport? More Like “New Hope”

Nearby, the Riviera Nayarit International Airport is undergoing a major expansion—70% complete, with a new control tower, longer runway, and parking for four planes (three with jet bridges, one “remote,” aka “you’ll walk half a mile in flip-flops”).

This isn’t just about bigger planes. It’s about bigger dreams. The goal? Serve over 3 million people annually—a number that includes tourists, snowbirds, and that one guy who keeps trying to start a kombucha brand in Sayulita.

With direct international flights on the rise, you might soon land in Nayarit without having to first survive the Vallarta airport shuttle gauntlet.

The Embarrassing Arrest

Not everything is sunshine and beach cleanups.

A man in Puerto Vallarta has been charged with cyberbullying city councilwoman Melissa Madero. Details are scarce, but the accusation is serious: online harassment, possibly involving fake accounts, memes, or the digital equivalent of leaving dead flowers on a doorstep.

He’s now under precautionary measures—Mexico’s polite way of saying “we’re watching you”—and could face 1 to 4 years in jail if convicted.

Let this be a lesson: don’t mess with a regidora. Especially not in a town where everyone knows everyone, and your mom still lives three blocks from city hall.

Final Thought

From poet-named bridges to Amazon outmaneuvering tax hikes, from beach workouts to airport dreams—Mexico doesn’t just solve problems. It dramatizes them.

We don’t have “infrastructure projects.” We have epic sagas named after literary icons.
We don’t have “e-commerce.” We have tax-driven retail wars.
We don’t have “public access.” We have beach liberation movements.

And that’s why you’re here. Not just for the sun, the tacos, or the ocean. But for the beautiful, chaotic, slightly absurd story that keeps unfolding—one pothole, one policy, one plastic sombrero at a time.

— The Mexicanist Team