How Helicopter Parenting Harms Children

Overprotecting children has negative effects, including a lack of autonomy and an impact on children's self-esteem, as well as excessive fear, need for approval, low motivation, lack of empathy, antisocial behavior, egocentrism, high levels of stress and intolerance to frustration, warned the academic from the Faculty of Psychology (FP) of UNAM, Mariana Gutiérrez Lara.

However, the university specialist pointed out, this behavior is linked to the stress of parents or caregivers. Their emotional state makes the bond with each daughter or son different. Even if we have two, three or 10, the relationship with each one is particular, it depends on how they are emotionally.

In her conference entitled "Overprotection: a bond that tightens so much that it immobilizes", organized by the FP, the expert in educational and developmental psychology explained:

A stressed parent does not have the same disposition to think about what the requirements of their descendants are, the exchange and the relationship with them becomes complex.

For example, it has been found in psychological literature that high levels of stress in parents generate abuse because there is too much intolerance, but also overprotection, because occasionally, they are so afraid of what happens around them when they identify numerous threats.

This implies an exaggerated control over children, limiting their actions to explore the world, which could generate negative emotions, greatly restricting their development with short, medium and long-term consequences.

Those who reproduce excessive concern are called hyperparents or helicopter parents, that is, they constantly "hover" over the decisions and attitudes of their children, which is linked to stress and to upbringing focused on dominance and excessive protection, which limits the creative capacity and freedom that children must have to develop the skills they will later need.

They seek to avoid a feeling of frustration to prevent their discomfort; they provide them with all the material things they want, pampering them and trying to feel loved by them based on these actions, he added.

In addition, they confuse excessive affection, care and the absence of limits with the happiness of the child; they avoid any unpleasant or difficult situation; or, they solve their challenges for them, they continue doing everything for them, even though they are perfectly capable of acting on their own, and they respond immediately to demands (emperor child).

Mariana Gutiérrez pointed out that when children make a mistake, they ignore it, cover it up or justify it, they use fear to keep them under their control, they feel guilty for not helping them face their difficulties.

To prevent excessive care, it is important not to concentrate on my anxiety, discomfort or fear, but to carefully observe the child or adolescent to determine what characteristics they have and what their needs are. For example, if they are withdrawn and tend to isolate themselves, they evidently require more support than an extroverted child.

Fear in them will not end if I isolate them “in a glass capsule”; On the contrary, it will become even stronger because I see them weaker or more vulnerable as they grow, without the skills of those little ones who do explore.

But also, as a mother, father or caregiver, it is essential to learn to regulate my emotions, communicate, speak and listen. What psychology suggests is to be more assertive, that is, express what we want and need, accepting the rights of others, as well as carrying out an action plan for problems and strengthening social support.

“It is necessary to develop positive parenting, sensitive but not perfect parenting, giving affection with limits, remembering and listening to objectives as parents; accompanying for life, because that child will grow giving non-perfect examples, because I am not, setting challenges and, above all, reinforcing the progress they make,” concluded Gutiérrez Lara.