The Bonkers-But-Brilliant Oaxacan Negroni

Now, I'm not normally one for these poncey cocktails. Give me a pint of bitter, a glass of something brown and vaguely alcoholic, or, in a pinch, a bottle of fermented yak’s milk any day. But even I, hardened curmudgeon that I am, have to admit, there’s something rather appealing about a Negroni. It's like a slap in the face, but a slap in the face administered by someone wearing a velvet glove and smelling faintly of oranges.

This one, though, this Oaxacan Negroni… well, it’s a different beast altogether. It’s got mezcal in it, you see. Mezcal. That smoky, firewater spirit distilled from agave hearts by men with more facial hair than a badger convention. It’s not for the faint of heart, or those who prefer their drinks to taste of, well, anything other than a bonfire that’s been marinated in the earth for a few centuries.

But don't get your Speedos in a twist, snowflakes. It’s not all fire and brimstone. This recipe, which some bright spark concocted (presumably after a particularly invigorating encounter with a bottle of the aforementioned mezcal), adds a splash of coffee. Coffee! In a Negroni! You might think that’s as mad as a box of frogs, and frankly, you might be right. But stay with me.

Apparently, it has to be “strong cold-brew coffee,” according to the recipe. None of that wishy-washy, lukewarm, decaffeinated nonsense. We’re talking the sort of coffee that could strip the paint off a battleship. The kind that could jump-start a dead badger. Anything less, and your delicate little palate will be overwhelmed by the smoky inferno of the mezcal. And nobody wants that, do they?

Then, because things clearly aren’t complicated enough, we’ve got the Campari. Campari, that brilliantly bitter, luridly red Italian liqueur that tastes like… well, it tastes like Campari. You either love it or you hate it. There is no middle ground.

And then, to round things off, a touch of sweet vermouth. Because even a drink designed to peel the enamel from your teeth needs a little sweetness, right?

Now, the instructions. They're about as complicated as assembling a flat-pack Swedish wardrobe while blindfolded. You take your mezcal, your Campari, your vermouth, and your badger-strength coffee, chuck it all into a mixing glass with some ice, and stir. Stir like you’re churning butter. Stir like your life depends on it. Fifteen seconds. No more, no less.

Then, and this is the crucial bit, you find yourself a jumbo ice cube. None of those pathetic little ice chips you find lurking at the bottom of your freezer. We’re talking a proper, hefty chunk of frozen water. The sort of ice cube that could sink a small dinghy. This goes into your glass.

Next, you strain the concoction into the glass, being careful not to spill a drop. This is serious business, after all.

Then, the showpiece. You grab an orange peel, hold it over the drink like you're about to perform some sort of citrus-based magic trick, and squeeze. The oils from the peel will spray onto the surface, adding a hint of zesty freshness to the smoky, bitter, caffeinated cocktail. Rub the peel around the rim of the glass, because why not, and then drop it into the drink.

Finally, a few drops of cardamom bitters. Because apparently, even a drink that already tastes like a bonfire in a spice market needs a bit more spice.

And there you have it. The Oaxacan Negroni. A drink that's as complex and layered as a Tolstoy novel, but significantly less likely to send you to sleep. Drink it slowly. Savor the flavors. Or, you know, just knock it back in one and get on with your life. Frankly, I wouldn’t blame you.

The Oaxacan Negroni Recipe

Makes 1 cocktail
Ingredients:

1 oz. mezcal (30 ml)
1 oz. Campari (30 ml)
1 oz. sweet vermouth (30 ml)
3/4 oz. strong cold-brew coffee (22 ml)
Expressed orange peel
6 drops cardamom bitters

Instructions:

Combine mezcal, Campari, vermouth, and coffee in an ice filled mixing glass and stir with a barspoon for 15 seconds. Set up the glass with the jumbo cube. Strain the cocktail into the glass. Express orange peel over the surface of the drink, rub it around the rim, and drop it into the cocktail. Garnish with cardamom bitters and serve.

Per cocktail
210 cal; 0g total fat (0g sat); 0mg chol; 4mg sodium; 14g carb (0g fiber, 3g total sugars); 0g protein.

(P.S. Ignore the nutritional information. If you’re worried about calories, you shouldn’t be drinking Negronis. You should be eating kale and weeping quietly in a corner.)

In-text Citation: (Grasse & Erace, 2022, p. 94)