The Complexities of Widowhood Through Loss and Reinvention

Widowhood in women affects them depending on the profile of the couple; for example, if they lived in a balanced relationship or one of subordination in the emotional and economic spheres, if there was codependency or a mature bond, explains the academic from the Faculty of Psychology (FP) of UNAM, María Montero y López Lena.

“Overcoming this complex stage depends on the psychological resources of the person, that is, the way they manage their emotions and feelings and how they regulate them, their perceptions and beliefs; their ability to connect with others and whether they have had social and economic consolidation,” details the doctor in Psychology.

In the case of women with developing daughters or sons, they experience a double challenge: that of motherhood and facing it alone, she comments on the occasion of International Widows Day, which is commemorated on June 23, at the initiative of the United Nations Organization.

“Many times we romanticize the relationship of a couple. It must be understood that, in the most basic of cases, the couple helps with reflection; and when it is a mature couple, it helps with conflict resolution,” she emphasizes.

The therapist adds that when the personal condition of emotional dependence on the deceased partner is not resolved, widowhood becomes a greater burden that will require plenty of opportunities for the woman to realize that she needs support and analyze the psychological, social and economic resources that she has. “She must see if she has the capacity to ask for support and exercise it, because they are complex processes.”

To explain grief, that psychological stage that we face after losses and that consists of emotional adaptation to them, the academic from the Division of Graduate Studies of the FP cited the theory of psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, who identifies five phases:

Denial in the face of the surprise of the loss; anger or anger at feeling alone; negotiation, the person keeps the hope that nothing will change; depression or a feeling of sadness and hopelessness; and acceptance, a state of calm associated with the understanding that death and other losses are natural phenomena in human life. It involves understanding what happened and moving towards another process to overcome the separation.

Depending on the particularities of each relationship, its context and its resources, each person may take more or less time to go through them. There are even people who stop at one of these steps. According to their story, there are those who remain angry, saying: “why did it happen to me”, “why did they take my partner in that way”, especially when the death is due to an accident or sudden illness, she points out.

Montero and López Lena argue that the traditional model of couple exists less and less, with the woman emotionally and economically dependent on the man. The pater familis, where he supported, thought, balanced and led the family, has been reduced. In recent studies we have proven that, in emotional terms, she is stronger than the man.

However, now they, whether they are in a relationship, have other sociocultural conditions and greater decision-making power when they have economic balance with the man.